|Devil Farting Fire on Fresno. Crayon on Paper, 2013 *years of art training went into this.|
A thought occurred to me as to how to help the drought ridden areas of the world. But as the thought developed, I discovered that I have limits to what I can handle visualizing before the gag reflex kicks in. But I’m guessing that you the reader do not have such issues, so here it goes. And I’m relatively certain that this could work. As I said earlier, swamp ass is a very real problem. But it can be used for the greater good. We, as a nation, could set up swamp ass milking stations across the country and, eventually, the world. You simply step into a private booth, remove your preparation soaked undies (yeah I said undies. So what of it?) and put them in the chonies-press to ring out and remove the excess moisture. From there the perspiration is gathered in a cistern where it is desalinated and then sent to be flash pasteurized. The ‘moisture product’ could then be sold to major retailers, marketed under the name, END RESULT, or it can be shipped to Nebraska in drums simply marked ‘WATERS.’
*I call it moisture product because of Kraft Singles. If you look at the package, Kraft says the slices are Cheese Food or product. It’s either cheese or it’s not. I don’t call a sirloin steak a meat product nor does Nabisco call Oreos cookie things. Damn it, I made myself queasy again thinking about cheese singles/slices product food stuff. It’s not even really cheese colored. It’s more of a fleshy orange-ish pink. I could use it to color a picture of Miley Cyrus, who, like so many before her, seems to be collapsing under the weight of having a fully mature vagina. On that note, I would like to propose a bill making it illegal for any girl to gain celebrity until they reach the age of 29 and only after they have dealt with the harsh reality that without a doubt the world does not revolve around them. The bill would have to contain a Bieber provision which makes all boy bands and Bieber-like performers banned for the entirety of civilization. I’m certain that the bill would have to be amended to outlaw Kanye Kardashian and Honey Boo-Boo as well. And don’t even get me started on truth in advertising where it concerns the History Channel. I would dearly love to see most of their programming disappear into history. But discussing how shows about truck drivers relate to history is best left for another day, because I need to head to the chonies-press.